Documenting the Coming Singularity

Monday, February 26, 2007

Wear Them for Weeks - Washing Not Necessary

Yes, you read that right! Men, lend me your ears (or eyes) and I will give you a glimpse of a brighter, cleaner tomorrow.

Browsing LiveScience.com, I discovered this wonderful news. We already know that men don't like to do laundry, correct? That is why men tend to look for women who will do this job for them. These women are called "wives." If a man is without a "wife," he is apt to wear his underwear days past their expiration date. Unless he is going on a date with a prospective "wife," in which case he will purchase a new 3-pack of underwear. Well, very soon, this type of disgusting behavior will no longer be necessary.

It seems that the military (and thank God for the military, amen?) has spent more than $20 million to develop a fabric that was initially intended to "protect soldiers from biological weapons." The leap of imagination was not very large, then, for what more deadly biological weapon could there be than a man's 2-weeks-worn-yet-never-washed underwear?

Nanoparticles (that word is going to become so ubiquitous that you will vomit copiously whenever you hear it) are attached to the fabric, then special stink-fighting chemicals are attached to the nanoparticles. These chemicals repel water, oil and bacteria, the very ingredients that eventually force men to discard their repellent undergarments.

So, how long will these things be wearable? According to LiveScience, they will be wearable for weeks, hygienically, without washing. Praise the Lord! Where can I get some? This article in the Telegraph informs us that they should be in sporting goods stores within a year. Keep your eyes peeled.

2 comments :

CinnamongirlFla said...

Does this mean they eliminate those brown streaks? I'm serious.

Barry Mahfood said...

You mean skid marks? Apparently so.